you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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