when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
