Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you have feelings for this penis?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
