She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
