i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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