No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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