Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
