I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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