How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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