She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
