FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
