well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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