Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
