what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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