I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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