how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
