just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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