woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
