My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
