he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We had to coat check the pizza.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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