So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
