I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Im part way to drunk.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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