just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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