they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
