I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
