I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
