Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
