He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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