Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
