Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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