Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
