at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
