I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
