I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
