There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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