what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
