why didn't you poke me back
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
