Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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