does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
