So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It was confusing and full of hummus
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
