Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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