this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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