Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
