My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
