so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
