I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
