guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
