my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
