Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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