If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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