i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
