no you cant smoke seaweed
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
