Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
