Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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